margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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