Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
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the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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