Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
