He had one of those small greek statue penises
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
