I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
