I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
