hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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