I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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