No stitches, just platelets and will power
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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