just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
