You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
