I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
