smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize