you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
