tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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