I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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