I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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