: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
