im drinking this country out of the recession.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
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i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
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Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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