um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
