I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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