I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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