do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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