Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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