dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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