Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
