I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
ok first of all what the fuck
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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