Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
