I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize