Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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