I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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