I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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