Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize