I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
