Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he thought i was a dude.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
