I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wish I could teleport
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
