Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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