guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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