Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
