do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
