Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
