Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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