i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
