well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We had sex on a dog bed..
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
