Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
