Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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