u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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