we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
