i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
