tell your sister to shave her snatch
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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