I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
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im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
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We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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