i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This is the high leading the old right now
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
