Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
