Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
