where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
