i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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