thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
