bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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