If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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