I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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