My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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