well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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