She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
