Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Are we still banned from the library?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize