How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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