Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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