Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
