Ketchup is God's man juice
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
