Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
