I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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