The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i believe in u and ur pee
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
