Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He? As in you personified your dick?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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