I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
