Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
