Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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